ARE YOU A FREAKISH HYBRID? THE ANSWER MAY SHOCK YOU!
What kind of freak are you?
It's not a serious question.
It IS the first question on the Lady Gaga employment application.
No, not that either.
Maybe it's more of a pondering. Let me break it down:
Are you a BOOMER or GEN X?
It's hard to tell for some of us. Some of us were born in those years in between a solid A or B. Or should I say a solid (B)oomer or (X)Gen? I've accepted my burden as a spokesperson for the modern, thinking human and have crafted some questions to help you answer that question. Not the first question, about what kind of freak you are. I don't judge. Get yours! I'm talking about the second question, the question about (B) or (X). That's where we are now. All caught up? These questions might help you understand where you stand. Understand? Then again, they may just confuse or alienate you. I don't apologize for art.
In any case, seriously, whatever.
10 questions. No right or wrong answers. Only ones that make you feel old. If you don't understand the questions, you're a zygote. Bless your heart!
1) Ever drink water from the front yard hose? Backyard hose? Any hose?
2) Remember "DUCK AND COVER" nuclear war drills? In Oklahoma they were also called "TORNADO DRILLS". Similar to fire drills, with the notable exception being instead of getting out of the building, you grabbed a heavy book and crawled into the hallway and covered your head with that book. I found that history and social studies books offered the sturdy protection I deserved.
3) Latchkey kids. Some of these questions will be easier to understand if you were a latchkey kid. You know, home from school by 4 o'clock and Mom and/or Dad won't be home till after 5? That's when you could the most fun. Translate: That's when you could get in the most trouble.
4) Latchkeyers: Remember watching anything you wanted on TV? Unrestricted? You could get a good hour of HBO, Showtime, or Cinemax (Skinamax) in before parental figures ruined it! If you just asked, "Why didn't they just go online?" Congratulations. You just destroyed an acre of pristine rainforest.
5) Did you have to wait for your turn to use the one phone in your house? Is that too terrifying for you? Too real? It was hell, but we mostly survived. Thank you, PONG and ATARI.
6) Latchkeyers: Remember playing outside unsupervised for hours and hours? You either had the time of your life and learned important social lessons that helped you grow as a person, or you were dead in a ditch somewhere. If you managed to avoid the ditch, you were all good until the streetlights came on. At that point, if you weren't home, a ditch might be preferable to the trouble you'd be in.
7) Remember playing on dangerous playground equipment? The tornado slide was a favorite. In the summertime, the metal ones would get so hot it was like sliding down a roller grill. The merry-go-round? More like the scary-go-round! And how about the geodesic dome of doom called the monkey bars?
8) Spats? Paddling? Did you have a preference? Yes. Your local public schools had the authority to discipline you by making you bend over and take spankings from a huge wooden paddle. I say they had the "authority", but I mean they had the opportunity, the chance, the privilege of whupping ass.
9) Smoking, smoking and more smoking! Everywhere! Our bus driver smoked. The teachers' lounge always had a big glass window, but you couldn't tell who was in there because of the smoke. A ten-year-old could buy cigarettes with a note from Mom. Ever try to eat a nice meal in a room full of smoke? Waiting rooms, airplanes, public transportation, movie theaters...Everywhere!
10) Remember riding around with no seat belts? Not only not wearing a seat belt, but standing up in your seat, climbing into the back window, moving from seat to seat... It was almost like a contest to see which parts of the car you could fit into. What's an airbag?
If you can relate to any of these questions, then...YOU"RE OLDER THAN ME! If you can only relate to one or two, you are a hybrid: in between Gen X and Boomers. Poor thing.
JK.
Enjoy your remaining days.
JK.
SteveO
